This morning I was freaking out, trying to figure out what to do, frantically crying out to the Lord, “HELP!” I was so worried, so desperate; I demanded, “I NEED to know! I am in the middle of this right now and I don’t know what to do!”
And so gently, the Lord said, “Am I not able to provide what you need exactly when you need it? Am I not able? Is this too hard for me?”
Even though I had gotten myself into this mess, even though I had tangled up all these welling thoughts and emotions and gotten stuck in this rut, I knew in that moment that God was not going to leave me there. He wouldn’t leave me there to try to figure out what to do by myself, even though the mess was all my doing. He knew me better than I knew myself, and He knew this day would come even before I was born. He allowed these things to humble me, to the point where all I could do was say, “Forgive me for doubting you, Lord!” And He did. And he poured out fountains of grace and mercy and peace upon me.
In retrospect, the whole thing was ridiculously tiny, one little unknown that I didn’t know what to do with. Yet then, in the middle of the storm, it felt larger than a tsunami, threatening to swallow me alive. It is funny how one response, one question, one little difficulty sends me frantically tearing about, so worried that I won’t be able to figure it out. How small it seems, now. It only takes one look up, one tearing of the gaze from the dirty ground to the majesty of the heavens to make one realize how ridiculous one has been, and how, yet, there is hope.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.” Isaiah 43:2
Lord, in the light of your glorious grace, my failure is lost, it is obliterated. My soul will find refuge in the shadow of your wings; I will be able to walk through the fire with my head lifted high, for my soul is revived in Your story. Thank you that even when I don’t know, You do–Your ways are higher than mine. Thank you for not leaving me where you find me, but always using every circumstance to make me more like you.